Colombia Bound!

At long last, we finally have our travel dates! We leave for Colombia on February 5th and will get Jean Carlos on the 7th - just two more weeks! Jean is SO excited. On our Skype call yesterday the social worker asked him "What is the first thing you will do when you see your family?" His answer: "I will cry tears of happiness!" Oh! Me too mi hijo, me too!

This boy is a charmer and has a great sense of humor. For the past several months we have been paying a tutor to teach him English. I asked him what his favorite word in English is, and he responded "Mom." Be still my heart! And when I asked him his favorite sentence, he said "That's a lotta pepper!" This is an inside joke from when he visited in July. He had just told me that he didn't like spicy food, then proceeded to take the pepper grinder and put copious amounts of pepper on his meal. I said "That's a lot of pepper," trying to gently warn him, and he immediately imitated not just my words, but also my inflection, to great effect. This phrase became an ongoing joke, repeated at almost every meal to peals of laughter all around. The fact that he remembered this and without skipping a beat, said this is his favorite sentence - well, all I can say is what a joy this boy is, on so many levels.

We are bringing Nathan and Zachary with us to Colombia. They will stay for the first two weeks, then Tom will fly home with them while I remain in Colombia with Jean Carlos for another week or so to complete the process. We are so grateful to St. Jerome Academy for supporting this - they recognize that the boys will likely learn more in Colombia than they would at school during those weeks, getting to be immersed in Colombian culture and history and the Spanish language. They are SO excited! What an opportunity for them! And Jean is also so glad they will be there, he misses them so much.

Jean asks about everyone in the family on every Skype call. He wants to know all about everything the boys are doing at school and with extracurriculars, what kinds of projects Tom is doing at work, and how Grandma and Grandpa, Nana, all the aunts and uncles and cousins are doing. And our neighbors too! He has NEVER had an extended family. Even when he was with his mother prior to being placed in foster care, she had no extended family herself, so this is just an absolute wealth to him - it must feel like winning the lottery or something, a literal dream come true. It's hard to imagine what that must feel like. We take having a family, being wanted and loved and belonging somewhere for granted, and rarely think to be grateful for these blessings.

FUNDRAISING UPDATE

I know a lot of people are eager to hear how the puzzle fundraiser is doing. Great news - the puzzle is complete! While all the pieces have now been sold, we have had quite a few more people wanting to still donate, so I have matted the puzzle and we are writing those names on the back of the mat surrounding the puzzle. We showed it to Jean on a recent Skype call and he got quiet with tearful amazement to see all the people who wanted to help him get home to us. He just cannot believe that there are that many people that care about him! So if you had intended to participate in this but have been putting it off, it's not too late. Tax-deductible donations can be made to our AdoptTogether page, or, since at this point, since we will be applying for our AdoptTogether grant money soon, it's better to either PayPal us (to my email address, friends and family option) or send a check.

We also just had a very fun and successful painting party that was attended by 40 people. So far we have raised all but about $2000 of the $40,000 amount we need to be fully funded. We have saved up $25,000 of what we need, and $13,000 is from the various fundraising efforts, as you can see below. We are amazed by the generosity of so many who have contributed and participated in our various fundraising efforts.

Please keep us in your prayers! Pray for safe travel, for everyone in the family as we adjust to new family dynamics, and for Jean as he feels the mixed emotions of happiness at finally having a family and grief from leaving everything he knows.

Skype Hilarity and an Adoption Update

Joyfully, we get to Skype with Jean once every two weeks for about an hour. It's great when we have a translator! We always have things to tell him, with sports and piano and school and Scouts and holidays and weekend outings. It's more difficult however when no translator is available. With our limited Spanish, it only takes 5 minutes or so to say the following:

Us: Cómo estás? (How are you?)
Jean: Bien. (Fine.)

Us: Cómo es la escuela? (How is school?)
Jean: Bien.

Us: Cómo esta su familia sustituto? (How is your foster family?)
Jean: Bien.

Us: Cómo está la clima? (How is the weather?)
Jean: Bien.

Us: Que hiciste durante el fin de semana? (What did you do over the weekend?)
At least this question elicits more than a one word answer! However, it is still always the same week after week:
Jean: Fuimos a la misa, jugué fútbol, vi televisión, jugué videojuegos. (Went to Mass, played soccer, watched TV and played videogames.)

Us: Qué comió para la cena anoche? (What did you have for dinner last night?)
Aah, now we're getting somewhere! He looks up, thinks for a bit, and tells us. (It sounds like his foster mother is a wonderful cook!)

And .... that's about all we can come up with without a translator. The awkward silence ensues while we each try to think of something to talk about. Which is difficult. So we end up resorting to things like this:

Or this:

But no matter what, it always ends like this:

ADOPTION UPDATE

In other news, some big things are happening and things are speeding right along. Our dossier was approved on 10/31, only one business day after translation was completed. This is almost unheard of for approval to happen so quickly! For one thing, the stack of paperwork that must be reviewed is at least an inch thick. And frequently there are requests for further information that delay matters.

I know one thing that is helping is that the Colombian governmental family welfare agency (ICBF) has decided to allow La Casa de la Madre y el Niño, the orphanage in Bogotá that coordinated the Kidsave hosting program, to handle the processing of the subsequent adoptions. This helps immensely, since La Casa already approved our pre-hosting mini homestudy and medicals and one of their psychologists stayed with us for 5 days during Jean's host visit, and of course they debriefed Jean after he returned to Colombia. They know us already, and they know Jean and how much he desperately wants to come back to us. This personal element helps so much. Add to this all the prayers coming from family and friends, and we are set to break the record in how quickly a Kidsave child comes home to their forever family!

Another exciting development is that late last week, Jean was transferred from his foster home to La Casa. He will live there for the remaining couple of months until he comes home to us, where he will receive intensive English classes while the staff psychologists help prepare him for the transition. They will help him with any grief he experiences due to the separation from his foster family, and they will help him learn more about what it is to be part of a family.

At this point we are waiting for the official referral, which will contain a more complete file of his history than what we previously received. After we accept that it will be about two more months of paperwork with the U.S. government and getting visas for Colombia. So at this point it looks like we will be traveling mid to late January! It will depend on how much things slow down with the holidays as far as paperwork getting processed.

FUNDRAISING UPDATE

The puzzle is now 83% complete! It has been so exciting to see the puzzle picture gradually disappear as we flip purchased pieces over to write donors' names on the back. So this time in the photo I am including the box cover so people can remember what the finished puzzle will look like.

We are so very grateful for everyone's support. It is especially timely as later this week we need to make a $22,000 payment - yikes!!!

If anyone else would like to make a tax-deductible contribution, more information on how to do so can be found here.

Muchas gracias!

October Adoption Update

We have completed several of the biggest milestones in the process! Our homestudy was completed mid-August. In mid-September US Citizenship and Immigration approved us as suitable to adopt. And our dossier was mailed off to Colombia in early October.

Now we are waiting for the dossier to be translated, which takes about a month (and costs $3000 - gulp!) After that is done it is sent to Colombia's adoption committee for approval. Next they will send us Jean's referral which we accept then send back to US Citizenship and Immigration for approval. Once that happens we will be approved to travel to Colombia for the actual adoption.

As far as when this will happen, we are not sure. Our best guess right now is January.

PUZZLE FUNDRAISER UPDATE

It has been two weeks since we kicked off the puzzle fundraiser and it is so wonderful to see the outpouring of support for Jean!

We absolutely love how beautiful of a keepsake this will be for him. After we frame it in glass on both sides, not only will Jean be able to enjoy this as a wall-hanging in his room, but he will also be able to see all the names of those who were a piece of his adoption story on the back of the puzzle. Our family will also pray for all who contributed each time we look at the back of his puzzle with him!

After so many years of feeling unwanted, being passed from foster family to foster family, and thinking that he would probably never be adopted, this is going to mean so much to Jean to see how many people - many of whom have never even met him - already love him from afar and want to help him to finally belong to a forever family. We can't wait for him to see it!

Here is what the front of the puzzle looks like:

And here is the progression as puzzle pieces have been purchased over the past two weeks, showing the names of donors written on the backs of the pieces:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3 

Day 6

Note that at this point the word "orphans" has disappeared! That's the whole goal here, right?

Day 14

As of now, about two thirds of the puzzle pieces have sold! We are so very thankful for everyone's generosity.

We are hoping to fundraise $15,000 of the $40,000 we need for the adoption. We are at $6,387, almost halfway there!

If you would like to participate in this fundraiser, each piece is $20. When you donate through our AdoptTogether profile (tax deductible!), we take however many puzzle pieces your donation represents and write your name on the back of the pieces. 

You can choose to buy 1, 2, 5, 10, or however many pieces you like. When you make your tax-deductible donation, please put a note for how you would like your name to read (i.e. "Jane Smith" or "The Miller Family"). If you donate anonymously online, but would like to have your name on the puzzle, please email or message me. If you prefer to send a check, let me know and I'll give you our address.

Thank you again for everything, especially for your prayers for Jean, that the process be speedy and smooth, and for all orphans, that they may find forever families too.

A Piece of His Adoption Story

Adoption is expensive. International adoption, even more so. This adoption will end up costing around $40,000. We are hoping to raise $15,000 of that through fundraising. The other $25,000 we are fortunately able to cover through Tom's bonus earlier this year and me teaching some extra cooking classes.

We are super excited about this PUZZLE FUNDRAISER! Here's how it works:

I had a 500 piece puzzle made from this design I came up with. We are "selling" each piece for $20. When you donate through our AdoptTogether profile (tax deductible!), we take however many puzzle pieces your donation represents and write your name on the back of the pieces. Once the puzzle pieces have all been sold, we will frame the puzzle with glass on the front and back and it will hang in Jean's room. 

I know Jean is going to love looking at all the names of all those who were a piece of his adoption story, helping to bring him home to his forever family!

You can choose to buy 1, 2, 5, 10, or however many pieces you like. When you make your tax-deductible donation, please put a note for how you would like your name to read (i.e. "Jane Smith" or "The Miller Family"). If you donate anonymously online, but would like to have your name on the puzzle, please email or message me. If you prefer to send a check, let me know and I'll give you our address.

Those who have already donated already have their names on the back of the puzzle! I will post pictures every few days to show the progress.

Here's what we have so far:

I goofed up and wrote one person's name upside-down (sorry Margot!) Thanks in advance for all your help and prayers!

We Finally Get to Tell Him!

The day finally came! The day that we could tell Jean that, contrary to what he thought, we DID want him to become part of our family!

The last couple of summers, it has taken about four months before adoptive families were able to tell their host child that they were adopting them, as they had to wait until they were very far into the official adoption process. Thankfully however, this summer Colombia has decided to allow families to tell their host children as soon as the the process has officially started, with approval of the Letter of Intent. This means that Jean only had to wait one month to find out. Still painful for him (and us!) but much better than waiting four or more months.

In early September we got word that our Letter of Intent had been approved, and that they would inform Jean that we were adopting him just before our next Skype call. We could not wait to finally be able to talk about it with him! I imagined how the call would go and prepared what I would say. We did a test run 30 minutes prior to verify that computer microphones and webcams were all working properly.

At the appointed time, the call came in, but neither Tom or Jean could see the boys and I. They could hear us, but not see us. We could not figure out what the problem was. I called my tech-savvy brother-in-law in Florida and he informed me that Skype had just put out an update, and that if we didn't all have the same version of Skype that might be the problem. Sure enough, my version of Skype was not as up-to-date as Tom's and Colombia's, so I downloaded the update. After installing it, a message popped up saying I needed to reboot my computer. I rebooted and watched the screen turn black, then come back to life with the blue screen. "Wait a minute," I thought, as a message appeared - OH NO!

This was one of those random Windows updates that they don't warn you about, they just do without asking if it is a good time. It was SO stressful and frustrating, the whole time I was worried because it was towards the end of the work day, and I knew that the worker that Jean was with had to leave soon.

Thirty-five minutes later ....

The update finally completed, I was able to be added on to the Skype call and finally we could talk about the adoption! Jean had been told about the adoption just prior to the call, but then he had had to sit through about 45 minutes total of technical difficulty. So our "moment" wasn't quite what we expected it to be!

"So Jean," I said, "I think you know that we wrote a letter saying that we would like you to be part of our family." He smiled. "Does he say yes or no?" Tom asked the interpreter, "Sí, o no?"

Here is the video so you can see for yourself what Jean said:

But there was something else we needed to tell him.

"Jean," I said, "we want you to know that from the very beginning, we knew that we wanted to adopt you, but we weren't allowed to tell you. We knew we wanted you to be part of our family before we even met you in person. We so wanted to be able to tell you before you went home. It made us so sad that you thought we didn't want to adopt you, but we had to follow the rules and wait until we had permission to tell you. We want you to be part of our family forever, and we can't wait until you can come back to us!"

And now he knows!

The Backstory

It happened right after Easter, when we were discussing the possibility of getting a dog. Our cat had died last December and the kids were asking for another pet. I had spent days researching the perfect breed, and asked Tom whether he thought we should buy a puppy from a breeder (so that we could be relatively assured about what traits the dog would have), or whether we should adopt a dog from a shelter. My husband said "If we're going to adopt anything, it should be another child!"

I was surprised, as we are now in our late forties and early fifties and our children, adopted domestically at birth, are older too. We had always wanted more children, but after three more adoption attempts that all fell through, we assumed that God's plan for some reason was for us to have only two children. "Adopt again, now?" I wondered, aloud. We decided to pray about it.

The next day was Divine Mercy Sunday, and we attended a healing service after Mass. As the priest laid hands on me, I asked God to help us discern his will, and to make it clear for us what he would have us do. THE NEXT DAY, while the Gospel account of the Annunciation was being proclaimed at daily Mass, I heard the Lord tell me, a woman who was not expecting to be a mother (again), that he was asking me to be the mother of a very special child. Both the Psalm and the Old Testament readings contained the verse "Here I am Lord, I come to do your will."

Who, me?

That clear sign I had asked for? It was right there. Unmistakable.

I called my husband to tell him, he responded "You don't have to convince me, let's do it!" Only TWO DAYS from idea inspiration to confirmation in prayer. It was definitely from God. If it was from me, I'd still be hemming and hawing about it, researching it to death and stuck in fear, unable to make a decision.

But now what? We didn't feel the desire or call to adopt an infant or toddler. We wondered, could we be called to adopt an older child? This is something that in the past we would never have considered. Everyone knows that those children are too damaged, too hard, too scary.

Except that our God is the God who removes all fear. Who opens hearts and gives grace. Who calls us to care for the orphan and tells us all things are possible with Him.

I called a friend who adopted two orphans from China over the last couple of years. I didn't know which countries were doing international adoption right now, which agencies were good in our area, how to even get started. I asked if she knew anything about how to find older children. She told me that there was such a thing as older orphan hosting, where a child would come live with your family for a month or so during the summer, and you could meet each other to see if a match might be a good for both that child and your family. She suggested that I start researching this option at RainbowKids, an advocacy site for special needs orphans (being older is one type of special need).

I started visiting several of the eighteen different hosting programs and quickly became overwhelmed. I contacted my friend to ask:

I clicked on photolisting after photolisting. The blonde-haired blue-eyed kids from Poland, Latvia and the Ukraine were darling. The Chinese children were precious. And of course there were plenty of kids in the U.S. foster care system as well. Hmm, Colombia has a program? I'd always wanted to improve my Spanish, and had an affinity for Latin America, having vacationed in Mexico and Puerto Rico.

And then it happened.

Jean Carlos

Jean is an outgoing, agreeable, and affectionate 12 year old. He is in the 5th grade and is a good student. 

He currently lives in a foster home in Colombia and is in good health. Jean is helpful, cooperative, and attentive to his foster mom and others in the house. 

Jean Carlos is Catholic and drawn to everything religious. He attends Mass every Saturday evening with his foster family and prays the rosary every night before going to bed. 

Jean would like an adoptive family that loves him, supports him, guides him, spends a lot of time together, and makes him feel like part of the family.

That smile. Those eyes. He shares our faith. And most especially, he looked like he would fit right in with our other brown boys.

I called Tom at work and told him I was sending him links to a few different photolistings from different countries and asked him to take a look. I didn't mention Jean, as I was curious to see if Tom would feel drawn to consider any other children.

He called me back a little later and said "Did you see Jean Carlos from Colombia? I really like him."

They say "When you know, you know." They are usually talking about finding your spouse. In this case it is about finding our child. We know. We have been called and we have been led to our child. We knew before we even called to get more information that he was the one. We knew so clearly that we started our homestudy before we even met him.

That not understanding why, years ago, those other three adoptions all fell through? Maybe, just maybe, it was because God had a different, better idea. One that required us to have space in our family, as it is not usually a good idea to adopt children older than your oldest child. One that necessitated us having some more parenting experience under our belts. One that foreknew that a very special child was going to need a family now, in 2016.

And thank God for that.

A Long Overdue Update

Those of you you follow Jean's Journey probably noticed that I haven't posted in a while. As the time approached for Jean to return to Colombia, I found it really difficult to think about. In four short weeks, Jean became a part of our family - we didn't want him to leave!

At one point, I asked him "Do you like our family?" to which he wholeheartedly replied "Yes!" I had wondered because we had some issues with one of the kids getting pretty jealous of all the attention Jean was getting, and because - let's face it - with a visit of four weeks, we could only be on our best behavior for so long, and he definitely got to see the real us. I pointed this out to him, saying "We aren't a perfect family." His response? "You are for me." That brought tears to my eyes!

As departure day approached, Jean hinted around, telling us "I don't want to go," "I want to stay here," and "I want to come back someday." The day before he left he told my oldest son at the pool "I want to be adopted, but mamá doesn't want me." Nathan didn't know what to say, since he knew that we actually did want to adopt Jean, but that we weren't allowed to tell him yet.

Kidsave has a lot of experience with this, and they know that such a big decision shouldn't be made in the heat of emotion. We had to wait until two weeks after Jean left before we could send in our Letter of Intent to adopt. Later we found out that the first two or three days after returning, Jean spent a lot of that time in tears. I can't imagine how that must have felt for him, thinking that we had rejected him, that his one chance to finally have a family was lost forever!

Three and a half weeks after he returned to Colombia, we finally got to Skype with him. It was wonderful to see Jean's smiling face and hear his sweet voice again. We heard about how his classes are going, how he's learning more English, and about the festival that is going on where he lives. He asked the boys and I to play some piano for him and we obliged. We remembered some of the funny things that happened while he was here and made silly faces at each other. Then he held up a hand-lettered sign that said, in English, "I REALLY NEED YOU" with a little sad face drawn underneath. My heart broke since we still could not tell him that we were adopting him.

But the next day we got word that Colombia accepted our Letter of Intent, and that they would tell him very soon that his dreams of having a family are finally coming true! Soon I will write about finally getting to tell him that he is going to part of our family - forever!